It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
