he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
