Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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