Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
