there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
