It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
