The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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