You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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