my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
