He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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