Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
