this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
