i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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