My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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