I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
