I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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