I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
