Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
