why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
