She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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