help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
