if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
