I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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