I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize