I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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