And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
