Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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