Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
