he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So much rum. So many feels.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
