i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
