i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
