i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
