I cannot find my penis.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
