the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
