Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
