im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
