you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
