Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
