I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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