I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
