I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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