clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
