Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish you could order shots online.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
