I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
