Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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