Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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