I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
