Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
