peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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