Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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