someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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