omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
