If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
