using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize