The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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