My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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