we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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