just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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