Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
