maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
