At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sobbing to NWA
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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