I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
