if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
A bitchslap is in order.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
