I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
