it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
