The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
