i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
