i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
