I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
