I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize