i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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