All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
