garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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