My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just pee around me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
