Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
