I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
