I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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