I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
