Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Randomize
