just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
