Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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