Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
