do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
