Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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