I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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