Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
