She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
