I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
