I got chris browned last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
