OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
