New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize