a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
