I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize