Im at strip club and am horny
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
