summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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