There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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