Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize