peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
