i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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