we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
