I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
