Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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