Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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