she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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